I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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