Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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