Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
