I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
