We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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