he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
