what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
