You made me cry and you don't even care
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
