You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
