Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
