i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
