There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
