i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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