I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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