he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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