Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
