hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
