i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
