Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
