Quick, to the slutcave!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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