I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
