I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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