My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
