Nicole vs. Life
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
