I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
