I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
