So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
