Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
