My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
