Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm jealous of your bromance
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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