her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
