That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
