this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
