Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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