walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
