she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
