His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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