Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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