addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
