We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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