Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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