Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
