I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
