dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my shit smells like andre
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
