Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
