new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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