dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
