u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
