barbara walters just said penis...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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