the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
