The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I could make wine with my vomit
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
