I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
