I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
