i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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