K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
