well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize