I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
