and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
