if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
