You smell like a Billy Joel song
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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