"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
