Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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