Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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