She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
