im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
