Duck Duck Cougar?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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