That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
