So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
