i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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