Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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