Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Threesome in a minivan. New low
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
