So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
