I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
