dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
