I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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