I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
