My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cockslap morals
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
