i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
