Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
