Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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