I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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