So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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