My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
