I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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